Another year full of firsts

I know that people do it everyday, but adding another child to our family can be described with two of my husband's favorite words. Squirrel. Derby. I never imagined the chaos that would ensue once our second bundle of joy appeared. Ben has adjusted so well and really loves his little sister. Fortunately for Lily she doesn't know what life was like before he was around. (Read: quiet, calm and sometimes boring) The last year has challenged us in new ways as parents and also shown me that we can do things I never thought possible.

The first three weeks with Lily were rough and I struggled a lot. There's the constant tiredness and haze that you feel when you never seem to get enough sleep. And the fact that she never liked to be set down. Thank goodness Ben still went to daycare at that time or I think I would have been completely overwhelmed. I am very fortunate that my mom lives in town and holding babies happens to be one of her favorite past times. And thank goodness for that because I was really the only person that Lily wanted, but grandma came in a close second. As you may have guessed, my Lily was NOT a daddy's girl for the first 10 weeks of her life. Which is understandable. He doesn't have much to offer by way of milk. The nice thing about it, is that instead of cleaning closets and dusting I spent 12 weeks holding my baby (and watching really bad, really awesome TV on Bravo. I know all the Housewives of everywhere by name.) Lily and I did everything in my room. Slept, watched TV, ate lunch. And it was fabulous. At the time I felt it was trying, but looking back I wouldn't have had it any other way.  

By about three months, Lily really seemed to turn around for us. She went from fussy, hates the car, always wants to be held, to very content just taking in the world around her. And what a wonderful change that was! She's always done things on her own time and at her own pace, too. Ben was a textbook baby. Did everything right on "schedule", very predictable in sleeping patterns, got a tooth the day he turned 6 months old, crawled at 9 months, etc. Lily has been a lot slower with everything, and tends to just take things on when she is ready. She still doesn't consistently sleep through the night, didn't get a tooth til 9 months old and still hasn't mastered traditional crawling. She does her own version and gets around just fine. It's amazing to me just how different they are and they continue to show me examples of that every day.

The last ten months have been such a roller coaster for us. We knew what it meant to have a baby in the house, but we had to relearn a lot of things to. Learning what it means to have TWO people totally dependent on you for their every need, learning that nap time for one isn't always rest time for the other, learning how to use all the baby stuff again, learning how to function on 4 hours of sleep. There are also huge changes for us as a couple, learning to find time for each other, learning to step in when the other is exhausted, shifting responsibilities around the house. It's been a whirlwind to say the least. 

There are some nights when no one is sleeping and at least 3 of us are crying and I think to myself "what the hell have we done?!?" and then there are moments when I look at my kids and see the best of me and Mike in them and my heart is so full I feel like it will burst. Yup. My husband had it right. Squirrel Derby.

I'm Back.... for now

So..... It's been a while. I guess you could say we've had a lot going on. When I blogged last, I looked a little like this:

Shortly after the above photo was taken, I looked like this: 

Don't worry. I know I was not glowing. I was just bloated.  And I was also aware we had a bit of a cankle situation. That photo was taken about 7 hours before Lily Rae Gilbertson joined our world. It ended up being a whirlwind day and Lily was born 3 1/2 weeks early. So, for those of you that are interested, here's the story of April 27th, 2011.

It was a Wednesday and I had several calls and meetings scheduled for the morning. I decided to work at home so I could put my feet up (See above where my ankles look like softballs). Luckily I have an amazing employer who allows me such luxuries.  I took my conference calls and was making some plans with my boss for my maternity leave when the landline at our house rang. It was the doctor's office and my labs had come back from the night before. They weren't good. I was spilling protein into my urine and that combined with high blood pressure does not a happy OB/GYN make. They wanted me to come in at lunch and do some more labs. Boo. I wasn't too happy about this, but I figured I would grab lunch on my way to the clinic and make the best of it. Blackberry in hand, prepared to work while I was there, I started to head out the door and realized that something just didn't feel right. I started getting horrible pains in my stomach and I was dizzy. I knew that something just wasn't right. I got in the car and decided to forego lunch and head straight to the clinic. With a quick pitstop at BHS to tell Mike where I was going and that I thought something was wrong. I underestimated how crappy I was feeling and by the time I got to BHS, I knew I wouldn't make it to the clinic by myself. I tried finding him in his classroom, but alas! He was not there. I made my way down to the principal's office where I proceeded to scare the crap out of the secretaries, who thought I may give birth right there in front of the attendance office. While they went to find Mike, (Who was in the library with his students) I went into the bathroom and threw up. Luckily, there were several high school girls in there who are now scarred for life. But I think it was a good lesson in birth control for everyone involved.  Eventually Mike was found, the very organized school secretaries found subs for Mike's remaining classes and we made our way to the Center For Women. When we got there it was about noon. They put me in an exam room, took my very high blood pressure, and we did a few labs while I laid on my left side to try to get my blood pressure down.

Some of my labs came back good, and others not so good. I was still spilling quite a bit of protein and the top number of my blood pressure would not dip below 110. That's bad. Luckily, my liver seemed to be doing okay so they ruled out HELPP syndrome. That's good. You do not want HELPP Syndrome. Look it up. Anyway, my diagnosis: pre-eclampsia. The treatment: delivering the baby. My doctor came in and told us to go home and pack our bags and meet her at the hospital. We needed to induce labor before my blood pressure got any worse. Okay.... Not what we expected to hear at 37 1/2 weeks, but I guess we'll have to deal with it, right? She felt everything would be okay because 37 weeks is considered full term and every indicator that we had was that Baby Girl Gilbertson was healthy.

We checked into the hospital around 3pm and the process began. I won't bore you with the details of an induction, but things progressed pretty normally for the rest of the day. I felt gross because I had to be on magnesium sulfate to lessen my risk of seizures, stroke and other bad stuff that happens when your blood pressure gets dangerously high. It made me feel a little loopy, but other than that, labor wasn't too bad. The nurses were great and I got in several episodes of Extreme Couponers. I had a few visitors. Ben and both grandmas stopped by to check things out. It was good to see Ben before the baby came and get one last look at our family of three. After everyone left, I got an epidual (Halleluia!) which actually helped drop my blood pressure a little. Things were going pretty good. My mom was there with me and Mike, which was really nice. She was able to talk me through some of the really rough contractions at the end. I was having horrible back labor for the two hours before she was born. When things really got going, it wasn't as smooth as it was with Ben. With him, I slept through the hardest part of labor, woke up at noon, starting pushing at 12:20 and had a baby by 12:46 and I felt great. With Lily, I was in a lot of pain for about two hours, and was sure there was no way that I would be able to push her out. It hurt so bad I couldn't move. It was 11:30 and I was exhausted. Ben had gotten us up at five am that day. I told Mike and my mom that I couldn't do it and I honestly believed I couldn't. Luckily, my doctor and nurses were there to assure me that I could and Mike and my mom stayed calm through the whole process. Once I finally decided that I was going to have to push this baby out, it only took about nine minutes and three pushes to do so.  After a super long day, at 11:49pm on April 27th, Lily Rae Gilbertson entered the world at a healthy 6 pounds 14 ounces and 20 inches long. And our lives and hearts have never been the same! Love you sweet girl!

Her name is Fupa

Just a little status update on the pregnancy with Baby Gilbertson.  First of all, the actual pregnancy part is going very well.  I am feeling pretty good, measuring right on target and her heart rate is quite strong.  As of right now I am 35 weeks and counting.  There is a small problem, however.  I have no idea what we are going to name her.  Her big brother is CERTAIN that we are going to name her Fupa.  After the pink character on Yo Gabba Gabba, whose actual name is Foofa, but Ben can't pronounce it.  Even though this name has not made our short list, we all call her Fupa all the time.  Even the grandparents.  So here is my fear.  The day is going to come and we are not going to have a name for her, so she will end up being Fupa her whole life despite whatever we name her.  So, here are my name issues.  I would like to name her Lily, but I can't come up with a decent middle name to go with it.  I would like for her middle name to have some meaning.  Ben's middle name is Russell which is after Mike's dad.  My first name is after my dad, which I think is cool.  My sister was named for a song from one of my mom's all time favorite singers.  I think names that have some sort of meaning are cool.  I also think we need to pick a name from my side of the family since Ben was named after Mike's side. Perhaps you can see my conundrum. Too many requirements and nothing that really goes well with Lily.  Another name that I really like is Anna, but Mike and I just haven't been able to come to agreement on what name and what middle name.  For me I think my problem is that I never thought I would have a baby girl.  For Mike, I think it's that he is indecisive.  Those of you who have ever been out to eat with us will understand this.  He has a hard time committing to dinner, let alone what someone is going to be named for their entire life. So, if she comes out and all we can come up with is Fupa, please don't judge. 

Some recent Ben funnies

A couple things Ben has said lately that I didn't want to forget.....

"Mommy, why do you have stripes on your belly?" I thought about telling him I am part tiger, but went with a more standard "Ask your father."

He is not historically a morning person which I will take full credit for.  This morning however, was especially bad.  I went into his room and to wake him and as I gently rubbed his back and whispered soothing words my little angel said to me "Hey! Get out of my damn room! I am sleeping!" Seriously. You can't make this stuff up. 

Okay for this next one you need a little background.  The man that baptized my husband is Pastor Bob Lynne. He is an institution at our church.  He was one of the founding members and was a pastor there for I don't know how long.  He was also Bishop for a while and has an entire wing of the church named after him.  The long and short of this story, he is a BIG deal. Well, Pastor Lynne was lucky enough to be sitting next to Ben Gilbertson at the Demon basketball game the other night.  I explained to him that Pastor Lynne was the man who baptized Daddy when he was a baby and knew him when he was growing up at our church.  Ben looks him square in the face and says "You used to work at my daddy's church?" Luckily, it was really loud in there and Pastor Lynne didn't hear him. Of all people to ask! I said, "Oh, he just asked if you work at the church."  Nice, Ben. Really nice.

It's a ...

Girl! I still can’t believe it. I had a feeling since the last ultrasound that we probably had a girl on our hands, but I couldn’t be sure. Now that we know, I feel like I have to be honest. The thought of having a girl scares the crap out of me. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t want a little girl. I picture her little pig tails (thick, wavy ones like mine, not small like my sister’s) and pink pajamas, and tutus and I can’t even begin to describe how emotional that makes me. But aside from all those fun things about girls, I am worried. In case you are thinking that I am crazy, let me remind you of a few things about girls. I am a girl. I know the psychological damage that we can inflict on to our parents and those around us in our teen years. It is not pretty. Second, do you know how much it costs to buy a prom dress vs. rent a tuxedo? Exactly.

Those things are trivial and I know with some good medication and a qualified therapist, Mike and I WILL make it through her teen years. The more serious reason that I get scared about having a girl probably comes from the gender based work that I do for a living. I am constantly bombarded with messages and reminders everyday of the inherent disadvantage that simply being born with two X chromosomes gives a person. I hear about women earning less money, women being torn between career and family, and all the things women are told they can’t do as well as men. And that doesn’t even begin to address the issues of violence against women that I work on every day.

What scares me the most is that so many people in the world fail to recognize that these inequities still do in fact exist in our society. Even my own son made a comment the other day that reminded me that even my children are not immune from societal messaging and social norms. I took him to a Bismarck Demon basketball game at the Civic Center to check out the local team. The girls’ team played the first game and throughout the whole thing, he kept asking me when the Demons would be coming out. Based on the messages he has received and what he knows in his little almost three year old world, boys are athletes and girls are not. Kinda sad when you think about it.

I know that things will work out and I don’t have to take on the weight of the world when this baby girl is born and that I am certainly not the first person in the world to have a baby girl. I know this. I also know that I have a lot to offer her as a woman and that she has plenty of strong women in her life to learn from. She will be surrounded by kind, strong and powerful women. She won’t know this until she’s older, but my mom overcame so much to provide a good life for her daughters and my sister amazes me with her strength every day. My mom and sister are two of the strongest women I know and if she is ANYTHING like either of them, I know she’ll be just fine. And those are just two of the women that will be part of her story. There are wonderful examples and role models for her to look for everywhere. This helps me know that things will be okay. And it is possible to raise a happy, healthy, successful girl even in today’s society.

It’s amazing that I can already be so worried about someone who has yet to even meet the world.

Let's get ready to rumble!

I feel like I have been obsessed with my kid lately, but his little personality has made for some good laughs in recent days. All my recent facebook posts and stories lately have been about him, but I can't help it.  He's good material. Here are some recent Ben funnies:
- We drove by Starbucks the other day and he says "Mama, we stop and get you a decaf latte?"  How does he know that? At least he knows what I like.
- He told a lady in Target that I have a baby in my tummy and we're naming it Muno (After Yo Gabba Gabba)
- When he asked me the other day where I keep my baby I said, "In my tummy.  That's where you used to live, too."  After he thought about it for a minute he said, "I don't want to go back in there" and looked down at my stomach and shivered.
- He has started singing "The Farmer in the Dell" and when he gets to the end he sings, "Leave the cheese alone, leave the cheese alone!"

And finally- He got a basketball hoop for Christmas from Grandma and Grandpa Gilbertson and he's in love! He plays with it all the time. He has even taken to listening to the songs that he hears at sporting events, so he asks to listen to "Let's Get Ready to Rumble" while he is shooting hoops.  Well, last night he was really getting into it and even invented a little victory dance for himself.  Usually while he's playing he insists that someone watch him and he tells them when it would be appropriate to cheer by interjecting comments such as: "Mama, say Go Benny!"  or "Daddy, say Go Demons!" And my favorite "Mama, say Go Points!"  He doesn't really get what points are and I love it!  When he was doing this last night I laughed until I cried.  I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Merry Christmas 2010

Merry Christmas from the Gilbertsons